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Out of Control For Over A Decade, Natalie Collins Has Been Leading Workshops, Raising Awareness And Capturing National Media Attention In Her Work Against Domestic Abuse After Writing The Restored Church Pack To Better Provide Churches And Clergy With The Tools To Understand And Better Combat Domestic Abuse, She Has Repeatedly Been Asked At Seminars For A In Depth Book On The Subject This Is That Book Rooted In Theological Insight And Thoroughly Practical, This Book Will Explore What Domestic Abuse Is, Why It Is Perpetrated And The Impact It Has On Children And Adults Filled With Case Studies, Including Natalie S Own Story Of Abuse, The Book Will Offer A Valuable Insight Into Various Abusive Behavioral Traits And Provide Some Pointers As To How We Can Address It, Both As Individuals And As A Church Community

15 thoughts on “Out of Control

  1. says:

    Out of Control is not an easy read parts of it are downright grueling whether you are a victim of domestic abuse or have never been Nevertheless, it s an outstanding book on the subject, and particularly for Christians for whom the subject is fraught and highly complex, to say the least.Collins demystifies the subject, pointing clearly to the value with which every human being should be treated She makes it clear that the religious rhetoric around submission of wives to husbands has enabled abuse not just in the past, but currently, behind the closed doors of homes in every aspect of society, including among the clergy Her assertion of the dignity that should be afforded women within intimate partner relationships exposes the rottenness of the way in which church doctrine, and the ignorant misinterpretations of the Bible, has contributed to domestic abuse in various and sometimes horrific forms within Christian marriages, even in the 21st century.Collins style of writing is confident, well expressed and sometimes quirky as she determinedly, but with humour, disavows us of any illusions we may have of the rights and wrongs of domestic abuse She writes to the abused who know they re being abused but have no idea of how to escape She writes to the abused who do not know that the relationship they are in is abusive She writes to those around an abusive relationship who, for various reasons, have little idea of the ways in which we can offer help.Out of Control is especially helpful to those who espouse Christianity as their faith There is much conjecture over this subject and there have been many church leaders and well meaning Christians who have helped facilitate the cycles of abuse that women and children have endured, simply by misreading Scripture as a validation of a man s right to do anything he chooses to his wife and children Collins makes God s opinion on this clear as she identifies the ways in which religious patriarchy has enabled and therefore perpetuated the ongoing and sometimes deadly abuse of the abuser s family.Her identification of the cycle in which abuse operates, and her explanation of the Biderman behaviours, which highlight the different kinds of strategies used by abusers in order to keep their victims from escaping, are tremendously helpful.This is an empowering book It s empowering for women and children who have been brainwashed by religious rhetoric that being a Christian means forgiving, and forgiving means staying and continuing to be abused It s also empowering for those who have spouted said rhetoric under the mistaken guise of believing a doctrine that is completely opposite to a loving Father God s perspective The One who tells us His mercy is even greater than His justice, does not then require, as has been purported by many in church leadership, a woman to stay in an abusive relationship.Do yourself a favour Get the book and read it You will find it stressful at times It may take you a while to get through it but read it This book shines a light on false religious standpoints enabling the reader to help bring others to freedom You will be enlightened, encouraged and hopefully, strengthened to be a catalyst for change in the area of domestic abuse.

  2. says:

    In this helpful book, Natalie Collins produces a hugely informative resource for understanding domestic abuse Early on the book, Collins outlines eight broad types of behavioural traits of abusers humiliator, isolator, threatener, nice one, exhauster, the All Mighty, brainwasher and demander She then returns to these traits in a variety of contexts, tackling head on cliches about the issue of domestic abuse why doesn t she just leave , and showing how mens choice to abuse can manifest itself in different ways.Collins is writing with a particular eye on the Christian church scene in the United Kingdom, and is open about the lack of preparation that a lot of churches have when it comes to tackling the issue of domestic abuse She talks about her own experience of sexual education in church, which resourced her to know what not to touch but gave her precious little framework to judge the healthiness of a relationship She is clear and convincing in the way that some theology can be mis used to reinforce abusive behaviours and prevent church communities from responding in a helpful way to disclosures of abuse issues include theologies of headship, misunderstandings of forgiveness and a wrongly placed conviction that divorce shouldn t be countenanced Throughout the book, Collins presents her research and material, which is at times necessarily theoretical or distressing, in an accessible, conversational tone This prevents the book from becoming either too dry or too heavy, and means that the reader is drawn through the book in an effective way She skilfully weaves anecdotes, both her story and that of others , into the theoretical sections in order to put flesh on the concepts she is talking about She is also honest that much of the material presented is distressing the chapter on children s emotional development with an abusive parent was particularly sobering reading yet she is also clear that we need to clearly see these realities in order to be able to help This book of course can only ever be a first step on the journey of becoming aware of the issue of domestic abuse and resourcing church leaders and others for being able to respond in a helpful way Collins herself is open about this, and includes a helpful series of appendices which signpost further But she is also convincing in her argument that simply being aware of the issues that wrapped up in domestic abuse and having a knowledge of how to begin to respond will make a huge difference She is a powerful, prophetic voice for the church today and this book is a carefully researched, well argued gift to the church.

  3. says:

    I was sent this book pre publication to review, and to see whether I would endorse it Will I endorse it, 100% I will There are so many people who could benefit from the book I knew some of the issues already as I have been talking to Natalie on off for several years, especially about things that concern the digital, but I have learnt so much, and I think domestic abuse is something the church cannot keep avoiding and Natalie is very clear that the topic is domestic abuse and not domestic violence , because otherwise the focus is on physical violence, rather than emotional abuse, which is often prevalent damaging The audience of the book includes church leaders the theological preaching pastoral decisions that encourage people to stay with abusive partners , although there is a huge amount of information in there for people whose lives are not informed by Christian faith Another audience includes people who are have experienced abuse specifically women in this book , helping them to recognise abuse, how to plan to leave abusive partners, encouraging recovery once abusive partner has been left Whether you are an abuse survivor, or someone who is interested in helping those stuck within or escaped from an abusive situation, the book is packed full of the years of knowledge that Natalie has both from her personal experience, and the work she has been doing for the years since I found the book hugely informative, albeit with some very challenging examples of what domestic abuse looks like Natalie does not mince her words, although she also finds space for humour in what is otherwise a very dark topic You can tell that Natalie has heard it all, and has the research to respond to the challenges and excuses she is frequently given, and challenges the stereotypes Overall, I found it powerful, challenging, accessible, informative and very protective of its readers The book is hugely powerful in accessibly offering space to a very complex topic, at the heart of which are issues of control and power, giving many practical examples, and at the end of each chapter encouraging readers to recognise that they are dealing with difficult topics, and to take time out for some self care it s not necessarily a book to be read in one go, but also highly readable, so you could if you can cope with the heavy content I turned down quite a few page corners to return to.

  4. says:

    It s hard to find the words to describe this book Some of that may be down to the nature of it s topic domestic abuse a topic, as Natalie points out in the introduction, that makes most people uncomfortable But in the main, I think my struggle for words is born from my awareness of how imperative and potent this book is.So maybe I could begin by saying that it s informative and practical a robust guide to what constitutes abuse, how abusers operate, and how to support those experiencing it This would certainly be true There s a wealth of reliable information here to blow apart the misconceptions surrounding domestic abuse bringing its manifestations, brutality, and the trauma it inflicts into sharp, sobering focus.However, describing this book solely in these terms could, I feel, leave you with the impression that this is merely a text book to glean statistics and information from When actually, this is so much than raw data this is raw experience.Collins has been there, and her passion to see this blight exposed and its victims released radiates through every syllable of this book By openly sharing from her own story of domestic abuse and other case studies that her work has brought her into contact with Collins certainly doesn t sugarcoat it Out of Control will rightly upset you But with great sensitivity, Collins not only guides the reader into seeing a reality that many of us are blind to or choose to close our eyes to , but also successfully demonstrates how our cultural norms, distorted portrayals of the victims of abuse, and twisted theology can and do collude with the abuser s mindset giving them the vindication, platform and covering they need to perpetuate abuse.Because of that, I can t merely describe this as informative, well researched and practical It s also jarring and prophetic Equally, to take such suffering, face it down, push back against it and raise a prophetic cry for others to hear, is nothing short of heroic This book oozes with courage, wisdom and hope.Bottom line Collins has written a much needed, must read for anybody who s interested in creating and curating a better world Tristan Sherwin, author of Love Expressed

  5. says:

    You need to read this This is THE Christian book to buy on domestic violence and abuse, and Natalie Collins is the perfect person to write it she has a Masters qualification on it, she has spent years working with both abused and abusers, and above all she is a survivor of abuse herself Even though I ve followed her work for a number of years, I still learnt so much from Out of Control and it s especially good at exploring the psyche and motivation behind the abusers as well as uncovering myths about abusers Is it because of their childhood and abused, Why don t they just leave Everyone should read this, but especially pastors as a matter of necessity there are still so many harmful ways that abusers groom the community, especially religious communities, and we need to make sure we re not a part of this In some ways, it s not an easy read but it s also well written and not as bleak as I feared, because she writes in a clear and engaging way Essential reading for churches highly recommended.

  6. says:

    This is the best book I ve ever read It flashed past my eyes in record time, and it changed me, releasing me to take on LIFE after survival from partner abuse Now I have to buy a new copy, because I packed up the one I read and sent it off to the churchman who did me the most harm when I was most in need Ah , the church, and churchMEN and our Christian communities so much to learn about our God of Justice.

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